eternal sunshine of the un-spotless mind

Woohoo, capped off the day early at work. I’ll be leaving in a while to have some “me time”. I actually feel kind of weird leaving the office early because my body clock is used to the nine-hour (or more) work time. But I think this is an opportunity that doesn’t often come. And besides, I’m really itching to go for some reason. Maybe it’s one of those days that you just wanna get out and get away and distract yourself with other things, clear your mind of what you’re usually doing. So I’m going after I let this thing out:

I wonder why I sometimes (or most of the time) can’t tell a proper story well. Especially if it’s very important to me, but I tend to get caught up with all the details; trapped in the feeling of wanting to pour them all out yet conscious of boring people to death, especially if I’m sharing it in a group. I just look like I have some pretty thick face and some handy guts but I realized I have moments like that, feeling uncomfortable to talk about “me” stuff. Maybe I should enroll myself in some Speech class or something? )

* * * * *

LET GO OF THE BITTERNESS. LET GO OF THE PAIN. LET GO OF THAT ONE THIN THREAD THAT SHOULD’VE BEEN CUT A LONG TIME AGO. JUST… MOVE. FORWARD.

—posted this on my Plurk and Tumblr yesterday after realizing that somehow I’m still hung up on yesterday. Things happened and they happened for a lot of reasons. My life wouldn’t be the same if otherwise happened.

* * * * *

Found this on cosmopolitan.com: the FOUR GUTSY CHANGES TO MAKE THIS 2010

“You need to push out of your comfort zone in order to grow,” Portmann says. “Thrusting yourself into new situations will teach you about yourself and what you’re capable of.” 

Maybe that’s the reason why I’m in this new situation, experiencing a different kind of experience, feeling a different kind of feeling that I never had before, or maybe I had, but it was in a different context. It’s uncomfortable because it’s a discord, but I guess we need to be shaken up sometimes to excite ourselves and our lives, to see which of our principles still apply when were thrust in a different kind of situation. Or maybe just to test us if we’ve learned from our past mistakes.

The article’s a good read, check it out: CLICK. 

* * * * *

Since we can’t bang our hearts on the wall, it’s the head that suffers. )

uno

Remember that as a writer, you’re not just a writer.

You’re also a salesman.

Everyone is. And salesmen don’t sell stuff. They sell themselves first.

- Bo Sanchez

Wooh, first post for the year! And I’m talking about “selling” myself. Yeahbah. Nothing much to say, really. I’ve recently retreated to old school media: journals/notebooks/planners for my thoughts & ideas. And of course, there’s Plurk, for my convenience. Lols. I just can’t wait for “things” to come into fruition. Good vibes, possibilties… oh 2010, please be mine.

hiatus

Ho ho ho! I’m still a little wide awake from that tall Starbucks coffee I drank in the afternoon. It’s our last day (at least for the week), and our boss treated us some coffee and sandwich Starbucks lovin’. I always say that I’m contented with Nescafe 3-in-1 but I gotta admit, brewed coffee is a real treat too.

The past few days have been a bit “dizzying” for me (but of course fulfilling), having to advance articles to get us to this most-wanted break (lol) in the wake of a sleepy state. Now that last statement made me dizzy. Haha. Anyway. Everyday I had to down two cups of coffee (except for yesterday, when I downed some black tea for my second cup) to keep me not just awake but sane enough to squeeze decent and creative words out of me. You see, I’m completing the Simbang Gabi. It’s my second time, the first time being back in second year college. [How grateful and happy I was then! Yiheee. The heavens granted my wish.] I go and drag myself out of bed during past couple of days and attend the mass as my way of saying thank you to God for this wonderful, wonderful year. It may be too little a sacrifice as compared to how much I was blessed but I hope God gets it. And I know He does. And of course, I’ve got a wish for next year. Keeping all my fingers crossed that it’ll be granted.

* * * * *

I remember getting a text before from a friend saying: “repeated experiences mean one thing: to teach us what we refuse to learn.” Yeah, maybe I need to experience “similar” things to test myself if I had really learned my lesson. 

* * * * *

Meanings and reasons are relative. But there is only one truth.

* * * * *

Now I’m sleepy. Yey. Gotta hit the sheets. Last day of Simbang Gabi coming in a few hours! And of course, it’s Christmas Eveeeeeeeeeeee! Wooh!!!! \m/

i gotta feeling

IT’S OUR CHRISTMAS PARTY TONIGHT!

Oh well, just killing some time before we go. It’s suppose to start at 6pm, but we’re still here in our office. Haha. I’m not really expecting anything, just wanting to have fun especially coz it’s my first! Woohoo.

Hmmm, so the last time I wrote here was October! Ha! Well, Between October and December a lot of things happened. And it’s not just about how many they are, but what they are and how they have affected my life so far. Always, at the end of the day I always contemplate on how blessed I feel for this year. God has given me so much and I wish I could return all those blessings by getting better as a person. I know I sound like a broken record for saying this, but I never tire. It keeps me in perspective whenever petty things affect me and get me all anxious. I’ll be counting down all my blessings in ink at the end of the year, when I make my year-ender list. 

I’m so thrilled for next year! I hope it would be a good year for pursuing dreams. Nyaks cheesiness. Speaking of that, I’ve realized that spotting opportunities is one thing, but seizing that is another. It’s easy to say, ‘oh i wanna do this or that and I’m gonna make it happen.’ But to do it? It entails a lot of things - resources, efforts, time, money (one of the most crucial especially if you’re like me that has just commenced my career). All I got with me now is faith and the determination that I’d be able to seize that opportunity.

And what a year it has been for the Philippines as well! So many things going on, as if all these catastrophes (natural or not) can’t seem to end. I just hope that things will be better next year, particularly the elections. I pray for justice. Peace. Resolutions. End of corruption. Genuine, righteous, selfless leaders. Less tragedies (because of course natural disasters are inevitable). More vigilant and concerned citizens. More giving, less selfish taking. Prosperity of families. Job opportunities. A self-reliant, resilient country and people.

Good things came as well, and I hope they will keep pouring in on 2010!

the unbearable lightness of wengky

In “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”, Milan Kundera says that we’ll never know if we really made the right decisions unless we repeat our lives and try different kinds of paths. Hence, we feel an “unbearable lightness”, because we only live once, as if our lives are devoid of meaning.

(Oh my, I talk about the book as if I’m through with it. Still a hundred pages away, LOL.)

Well I guess, I’ll never know if I made the right decision, I won’t have another life to test another path, but all I know now is, and I want to believe, that I’m right where I’m supposed to be… destiny, if I may call it.

And I’m happy and I’m grateful for everyday. I just swallow it all in, the good, the bad, the tough, the easy… and it gives me peace. There is no such thing as a perfect place, and knowing that makes me appreciate more where I am. To live everyday and live with my heart’s desire is one of the greatest gifts God has given me. To be able to go home every night and smile a big smile to my Mu and Pu. I want return that blessing by working hard (and smart, I hope). Maybe I wouldn’t really need another life to figure things out, if I did it right or wrong. I wouldn’t need another life to know that I can and I will fulfill my purpose.

The path of life is no red carpet, but I’ll keep walking (but of course I’ll rest for a while sometimes, we all need to!) until I reach the stage of my dreams.

P.S. Be still, my heart, be still, please.

And mind, stop being such a weakling.

P.S. 2 Recently I created my first “Favorites” playlist in my iTunes. (How delayed of me, as always. LOL) Just wanna share the tracks in it:

These are the songs that I can listen to on constant loop and I won’t ever get tired. Woohoo. I’ll be adding more sometime soon, surely I would! There’s a lot of good stuff out there! \m/