kabog, kilig, kirot: ang 3K ng pag-ibig ayon kay Ricky Lee

Paano nga ba na sa limang tao, isa lang ang puwedeng maging masaya, at ang apat ay naiwang devastated sa pag-ibig?

Unang basa ko pa lang ng artikulo tungkol kay Ricky Lee sa Sunday Inquirer ilang buwan na ang nakakalipas, para sa kanyang pagbabalik-eksena sa pagsusulat ng aklat, na-intriga na ko sa “Para kay B”, ang kanyang “comeback book”. Kagaya ng entry ng aking kaibigang si Marice, puno rin ng spoilers ang sa akin, para sa mga hindi pa nakakabasa. Pero sa tingin ko naman kahit na ma-spoil ka ay gugustuhin mo pa ring basahin yung libro dahil mas gugustuhin mong i-experience iyon for yourself. *winkadoodle*

Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang beses akong napahalakhak (na napatingin sa’kin ang nanay at tatay ko, nagtataka kung bakit ako tumatawang mag-isa), napa-awww, muntik mapaluha, napaisip, at napaalala, habang nagbabasa ako. Para kang nagbabasa pero kaharap ang isang telebisyon at kasalukuyang tumatakbo sa screen ang isang pelikula. Kulang na lang popcorn. Napahanga ako ni Ricky Lee dahil isa siyang mapangahas na manunulat. Lumabas siya sa kahon ng mga kumbensyon ng modernong panitikan at gumawa ng sarili niyang mundo kung saan lahat ay puwede mong gawing posible kung matalas ang iyong imahinasyon at mahal mo ang pagsusulat. Astig diba?

Nakakatuwa rin dahil updated siya sa iba’t-ibang terminologies, expressions, at kung ano-ano pang pauso ng henerasyon natin. Maalam sa gay linggo, sa takbo ng lipunan, sa mga issue sa politika at ekonomiya. At kailangan ko talagang i-special mention na naaliw ako nang banggitin niya si Bea Alonzo sa isang kabanata (medyo umasa akong si John Lloyd ay babanggitin din niya).

Form-wise at content-wise, maganda ang libro. Puno ng twists, unpretentious, at straightforward. Memorable ang mga characters, kahit yung hindi mga bida talaga (gaya ni AJ, isa sa pinaka-colorful na character na nabasa ko so far). Malamang alam mo na rin sa sarili mo ang mga bagay tungkol sa pag-ibig na nasa librong ito. Pero yun ang ikinaganda niya. Sasabihin niya ulit sa’yo, at sasabihin niya nang mahusay at maganda.

At dahil tapos na ako sa “review” ng nobela, tutungo na ko sa mas personal na komentaryo.

Sa limang kuwento na inihain sa “Para kay B”, pinakanakarelate talaga ako sa kuwento ni Irene, hindi dahil umibig siya nang di pa niya naiiintidihan kung ano ang pag-ibig, kundi dahil gaya niya, ako rin ay alipin ng mga alaala. Sabi nga sa akda, “mas matinding makaalala ang puso kesa utak”. Ang mga alaalang iyon ang, sabihin na natin, pumigil upang mabuksan niya muli ang puso niyang matagal nang kumakapit nang mahigpit sa apat na salita ng isang binata, sa may tulay, noong siya’y bata-bata pa:

“Paglaki mo, pakakasalan kita”.

Minsan din sa totoong buhay, kakapit tayo sa mga salita ng isang taong mahalaga sa atin. Maaaring isa iyong pangako, maaari rin namang simpleng mensahe, minsan nga parang wala lang eh, random lang, pero dahil nagmamahal tayo (at kadalasan din ay nagpapakatanga at nagpapaka-hopeful), iniisip nating may mas malalim yun na kahulugan, o di kaya naman, may iba pang patutunguhan.

Sa paglipat ko sa isang kabanata patungo sa isa pa, tiningnan ko kung sino ang naging maligaya, at sino ang nasawi. Ayoko kasing maniwala sa quota. Para akong sina Irene, Erica at Bessie na lumabas sa laptop ni Lucas upang mag-protesta tungkol sa kinahinatnan ng kanilang mga istorya. Hindi naman kasi natin kailangan ng statistics sa pag-ibig. Masasawi ang masasawi. Liligaya ang liligaya. Lalaya ang lalaya. At tayo ang gagawa nun. Kahit paano pa nagwakas ang kuwento mo – masaya, masakit, nakakatrauma, nakakakiliti – ang mahalaga ay nagmahal ka. Kung minsan, sapat na ‘yun para maging masaya ka.

Dahil sa iba-ibang istorya, paniguradong makakarelate ka rin sa isa sa mga yun. Mapapaisip at mapapa-survey nang bigla sa pagbanggit sa “3K” ng pag-ibig. Kabog, kilig, kirot; at kung maramdaman sila nang sabay-sabay kaharap ng isang lalaki, babae, bakla, o tomboy, isa na ‘yung sure sign na kaharap mo ang iyong minamahal. Kabog dahil ayaw mong magkamali sa presensya niya, kilig dahil sa presensya niya (ito ang tweetums na bahagi ng pag-ibig), at kirot dahil maaaring ang presensya niyang iyon ay hindi magtatagal (sabi nga sa Ingles at sa kanta ng Maroon 5, “Nothing Lasts Forever”) at kailangan mong maghukay nang malalim sa iyong long-term memory store upang ilagay iyon.

At aminin natin, para rin tayong si Lucas, dahil minsan ay may isang Bessie na hindi natin inaasahang dumating sa buhay natin at binago ito (nang bonggang-bongga). At sa sobrang tindi ng impact niya (parang hurricane, tsunami at wildfire – pero in a good way) ay makakagawa tayo ng isang masterpiece (na hindi naman kailangang libro, puwedeng special cookie, o di kaya garbage art, o infrastructure, o kung anupaman), alay sa isang pag-ibig, alay sa isang alaala.

Hindi man nagkatuluyan sina Lucas at Bessie sa huli, ang mahalaga ay hindi nagtapos ang kanilang kuwento sa wala. Hindi rin nasayang ang pag-ibig niya. Dahil sa huli, ang pagmamahal ni Lucas at ang pagbuhos niya nito sa sining sa pamamagitan ng kanyang akda ang nagbigay sa kanya ng kalayaan. Capital S man siya sa pag-ibig, at least hindi siya naging capital S sa buhay. :)

Gaya ni Lucas, sana balang araw ay makagawa rin ako ng masterpiece para kay B, ang aking OGL (One Great Love).

70 creative ads that rock!

Maybe the “out-of-the-box” concept is passe. Maybe there isn’t really any box to begin with. Creativity can be unlimited. I was just amazed on these cool advertisements. But I am more impressed on the people who have worked and thought real hard for these. I wonder what their brain cells are made of. Or do they have a secret ingredient in their creative juices? Hmm.

Here are some more that got me thinking, got me laughing, and got me awwwww-ing:

CHECK OUT THE REST FOR YOURSELF! CLICK!

Fernando Amorsolo goes techie!

This is a cool digital campaign by Proximity Philippines (sister company of BBDO Guerrero-Ortega), aimed at promoting the works of National Artist Fernando Amorsolo which the techie generation can appreciate. Hang one on your site now! Also, check out the website for exhibit schedules and venues!

* * * * *

I feel great that I have regained a sense of excitement about striving for my future, as well as in doing fun things while I’m on vacation. And oh! I’m done with Honey & Clover Season 1. Probably on Monday I’ll begin with Season 2. Yipeeee!

yun na yun.

To dream that you are holding hands with someone, represents your connection with that person. Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart.

                                                                                                                              - DreamMoods

I’m off to finish Honey & Clover today. Don’t wanna write much for now. My Plurk’s the reliable one for updates. Haha.

separation anxiety

… And I entered an art college building, with nothing but white paint in its walls. My will was running so fast my feet could not keep up, and I only got glimpses of the galleries in the first floor. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I went into hiding.

… Next, I was in our room, discovering that below our beds were hidden items which we decided to keep. Upon rummaging through the contents underneath, I stumbled upon an old perfume, half-consumed. It was one of my favorites. It must be because its old, that tiny grayish specs float inside it, and when I sprayed, those specs came out. I tried to smell the scent but couldn’t.

It was only a dream.

I looked up the meanings of some of the elements present in my dream using Dream Moods:

White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. However, in Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning.

To dream that you are trying to run but cannot make your feet move as fast as you want them to, signifies lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. It may also reflect your actual state of REM paralysis while in the dream state.

To dream that you are running alone, signifies that you will advance to a higher position and surpass your friends in the race for wealth. Alternatively, you may be running from some situation or from temptation. Or it may also mean that you need to hurry up in making a decision.

To dream that you are spraying or wearing perfume, suggests that you are seeking for more pleasure in your life. It is symbolic of your sexuality, sensuality, and indulgence. 

To smell perfume in your dream, represents memories and nostalgia. You are reminiscing about the past.

Yesterday I went to school after a job interview to order a temporary transcript for myself. The moment I saw those familiar greyish-beige-ish walls, I felt like I’m going to cry. Haha. No kidding. One of  the Kuya Guards in AB was stationed in the Eng’g entrance of the España gate where we (me and Clarissa, whom I knew from the interview - we had the same schedule) and he recognized us right away. “Nagtatrabaho na kayo?” “Ay di pa po, galing pa lang po kami sa interview.” And then we smiled at  each other and went.

I think I stayed in school for over three hours doing nothing but embrace its whole presence. You know where I ordered lunch? In my favorite, Ate Eva’s Grill! Haha. Ordered my favorite Tuna Steak and had mixed vegetables for my side dish. Then I bought from Tia Mia’s a bottled water. I always buy mineral water there. That’s why everytime I go there they seem to have this expression that they know what I’m buying. Haha! Students doned in their AB uniforms made me wish I had a summer class to attend to as well so I could be a student again. Ha! Ha! Ha! See? How bad I miss school, my friends, and being a student. I was strolling near St. Raymund’s Building when I passed by 3 friends (wearing civilian clothes) who looked at the walkway to the Medicine Building which is being reconstructed. One of them said, “parang dating lang nilalakaran natin yan…” Must be graduates like me.

Sixteen years of being in school… that’s not easy to let go. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I still feel as if I’m trapped in the thought that I am student and still want to be one. But at the same time I also don’t think it affects how I’m seeking my heart right now of what I really want to do with the rest of my life. I wish to God that whatever and wherever my first job will be, it’s where I really “fit”, where I could really grow, and where I could be happy with. Such a selfish wish, you may say. But this is a two-way street. If I end up where I should really be then it’s not just my growth, it’s not just my happiness, but also the company’s, and whoever we’re walking our butts for.

Maybe I just need to be a little more patient with my heart. Destiny is not mapped out overnight.

And so before I head home, I went to Lovelite and ordered my favorite Strawberry shake, then I went back to school and stayed in Quadri for an hour, writing in my tiny orange notebook, listening to my Creative MP3, and holding back my tears. Soon I’d be able to let this go. I’m just allowing myself to be cheesy for now.